Friend

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Friend, feeling crippling fear.
Avoiding end that’s near.
Left hundred or just one year.
Or even less, what a mess.
Friend, you are stressed.
You have done good job,
excellent job,
and given everything, away.
Trust, friends, laughter and love.
Sacrificed yourself to keep me safe.
You beat me to the ground,
Screamed so loud.
Tears falling, but heart still loving.
So that I’d be prepared?
So that I’d be feared?
So that nothing, in this cruel world could hurt me!

You taught about society,
to feel separation in variety.
But my ego, my friend.
let this way of life end.

Higher, we aim to reach.
A gap to goals, we need to breach.
But, is it necessarily better?
We like sunny but also need rainy weather.
Our eyes glaze in envy, seeing other,
envious of our own sister brother.
And underlying cause, our internal flaws.

We think that we are not enough.
Need to be strong, need to be tough.
But, if I’d be the prettiest, strongest, smartest.
Everyone else below, nowhere to thrive,
all of my goals I’ve reached, I’ve arrived
Is this what I want to see
What sick fucker I have to be.

So, ego my friend.
Let’s discover the world, unseen and new.
Climb a mountain, enjoy a view.
And know, I’ve grown.
So far the way, you have shown.
Now, I want to fall and rise.
Get hurt and still seek the prize.
To be wise, take off mask and disguise,
and let myself be seen.

When I am in between,
decisions, options, roads and ways.
Even in despair, I want to choose.
Take responsibility when I lose.
Receive bad, and good news.
Gather clues, notice hues,
in monotone everyday.
And seek my own true way.
And what you have to say, I’ll listen,
but final decision is mine,
even when I have crossed the line.
Have to listen complaints and whine.
I’ll say, I chose it,
Even if it hurts a bit, or a lot,
I did my best, gave it all I got.

Fall

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Looking down, man, are you sure?
Take your time and think some more.
Do you really want to take the leap?
You’d surely die, only might, reach the peak.
Yes, I said, with a smile.
And jumped.

jumped down, jumped into time.
I was, the bottle of wine.
I was the ugly, dirty look in father’s eyes,
And mothers desire, it was me, in disguise.
I chose to live,
It brought me here.
I was born helpless, I don’t care.
What, a failure? So I try once more.
I kept failing,
but deep in my core
I knew, it could be done.
Rising up, determined,
gleaming with fun
Taking steps one-by -one
Until, I was able to run.
And father laughed,
that’s my little son.

Control

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Tiger in me,
So soft, kind and cuddly,
walks around,
making no sound.
Improving skills,
Paying bills,
Why?
lost in doubt.
Wanting to shout.
Its purpose.
But nothing comes out.
Not even snout.
Self is lost.
Aim is lost.
Unknowingly brainwashed.
long given control,
Face drooling, playing a role,
Left only a tiny spark, from the whole.
From the tiger, there is left,
a well-trained kitten,
But it awoke from illusion.
Illusion of golden average,
To use comparison as leverage,
Overwhelmed by anxiety,
No need for variety.
But what about my dreams?
It’s all been beaten down
You dreamer, you clown.
To change,
To be heard,
And as I am following the herd,
constant echoes that new is baaaad,
are you maaad,
all rushing together,
who knows where?

I won’t play this game.
I’ll be a freak!
To reach the peak.
I’ll take control.
I want it all.
Obsession to live,
Share and give,
is waking me up,
form delusion,
and conclusion,
is to grow and give.
it has big allure.
accept pain, endure.
stand for my dreams,
even if it leads,
to devastation.
I would happily roar
and soar,
to unseen heights,
with obsessive action,
not giving a fraction,
of time
to doubt
and shout,
smiling ear-to-ear,
ridding myself of fear.
Shouting,
from the top of my lungs:
Tiger, in me, is alive,
and I, am, alive!

Burn

fire

[I’m burning away in fire.
I want that flame to reach higher.
Reborn, as flames fade,
world stayed the same.
So I set my world ablaze.
To burn it down.
Burn all old, or new,
to myself I need to be true,
it will remain only if it’s truth,
and,
if it can stand the heat.
The blaze is far from its peak.
But my beautiful sculpted feathers?
Smouldering doubt,
I give it my fiercest heat
to forge the truth
and though pretty,
my past illusions
worldly delusions
and false conclusions
shall all,
burn away,
and I  ]*(Loop)

am burning away in fire.
I want that flame to reach higher.
Reborn, as flames fade,
world stayed the same.
So I set my world ablaze.
To burn it down.
Burn all old, or new,
to myself I need to be true,
it will remain only if it’s truth,
and,
if it can stand the heat.
The blaze is far from its peak.
But my beautiful sculpted feathers?
Smouldering doubt,
I give it my fiercest heat
to forge the truth
and though pretty,
my past illusions
worldly delusions
and false conclusions
shall all,
burn away
as fuel,
nutrition,
for my wholehearted ambition,
to nourish us all.

 

Later

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New day.
And what I say.
Hmm, not today.
I chose delay.
Old habits got their way.
Devastated, in bed I lay.
Inaction,
destroying satisfaction,
living a fraction
of what could be.
But I do not see,
an alternative.
World seems affirmative,
to my inability,
mere liability.
Maybe psychiatry,
can lead me from depths of fear.
To step up, with next gear,
as life really is, so dear,
paralysed, cannot go near.
Anxiety grows
as the time flows
obligations in rows
and past clearly shows
that I am utter mess,
and as I guessed,
there is so much to do.
Still, exhaustion fills
and kills,
all remnants of motivation.
Now, I sit in agitation,
sad repeating revelation,
but day brings reactive panic
it’s borderline manic.
In a moment of contemplation
I wondered,
with internal hunger:
Can it change?
Can I change?
And from the depths of emptiness,
sounds,
yes.
Haah, what?
Yes?
How?
And then friend comes.
Makes me laugh.
Momentarily happy.
And the seed of action
with great satisfaction,
restores forgotten order,
reverses hotter colder,
reverses cause reaction,
reverses feeling action.
Rises control and satisfaction.
Realise that feelings are results,
and I wait them to cause or change,
then I pause.
So strange.
That I was waiting for a fear to push me forward.
Am I really such a coward?
then I devoured
and it powered
bias toward action.
Intrinsic attraction,
to create feelings,
finish dealings,
as I can run away, so stressed,
I confessed
that stress,
encouraged me to avoid,
both important and inescapable.
But am I able,
to overcome instinct and thrive,
rather than just escape and survive?

Change

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Tomorrow, I’ll do it, Dead
Later, I’ll do it, Dead
Do I want to be dead, till I act?
As a matter of fact
Like a devilish pact
My own face I have smacked.
The procrastination
Considerate moderation
For today
I’ll do everyday
Except, today
Ohh Yes, tomorrow I’ll change
While waiting for a
Meaning of life
But get only
Old habitual responses
Same consequences
life passes by
and why
Why not act today
Why not do it, now
We are already in doing
Stuck in an action
And what’s left is a choice
Of direction and speed
And matters, every little deed
Every action can nourish the seed
and we can to take the lead
but we can also, wait for tomorrow
It might not arrive
Taking granted that we’ll be alive
Still we have a choice right now
How
We want to sculpt our life
With decisions of change
And so, rearrange
Potential future
And nurture
Life
wholeheartedly

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