Tag: self

Poem: Contemplation

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Small rocks, rolling away
From the path, cannot sway
With inner light
And sparkle in the eyes
Gives rise
To lies

Lies that this never ends
need to make amends
accept the temporary
isn’t it arbitrary?
When all dissolves
And evolves
Continuously revolves
Creates meaningless desperation
Souls starvation
Souls deep desire
To break free and light a fire
From the spark
inner spark
That glitters in the eyes
gives rise
To creativity
meaningless activity
Why?
It all crumbles to dust
Everything will rust
Engines will bust
Like a gust
Everything perishes
temporarily flourishes
And fades away
Like sunsets last ray
Like last water drop after heavy rain
can’t hold
maintain
This fleeting sound
That quietly echoes
And signals the change
Isn’t it strange
passing moment
Never to be found again
Echoes in the mind
Again, rewind
But what’s the cost
Something was lost
First sun ray behind the cloud
Birds singing loud
Or the peace,
that followed the echo

All because the need to keep
Moments, to gather a heap
Precious moments aren’t cheap
Drowning in the past so deep
Can’t escape, can’t make the leap
From its grasp
Everything disappears so fast
Why?
Why it cannot last
End creates space for new
Who knew

To create we need to destroy
Know sadness to experience joy
Even death, agony, and rotten flesh
Are important in life, as happiness and things that are fresh
it’s all important, just as it is
So mind, please
Please,
Please let go
Go with the flow
And experience it all
Both rise and the fall
Love sorrow
it has seeds for happiness tomorrow
love fear
fully love what’s dear
yes, it might end
so, better amend
let loose, let it all free
some will stay, you’ll see
if it goes, goes bad, ends, or fails
it’s all best for future ventures sails
Say to the face in the mirror
To this pale, sweaty, screaming thing
Say, let it all go!!!!
Aahhhh!!
Noooo!!!
can’t, It’s me
Can’t you see
It’s important
It.s all me
Like a hoarder
Clinging to the remnants of the past
Scary world, it’s so vast
And I, to tiny so minuscule
Every memory is a tool
I’m not a fool
need to fight the world so cruel
Why?
Cause I need to predict
Understand, energy they emit
To defend
pretend
Why?
Unknown, the future
Ultimately what is good or bad
Ones happiness might make else sad
And even more, how to defend
By being fake, to reach some end
is there really a true best way?
Think before, what to say
Rather than having faith and trust
That all is fine and have a blast
Enjoy what’s coming ahead
Cause in the next moment we might be dead

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Growth

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I’ve learned and earned,
the right to live, share and give,
and, if it leads to my fall,
I’ll take it all,
and make it, something beautiful.
Like a fool I thrive for growth.
Loosening the rigid perceptions,
following affections,
Seeing gifts in my imperfections.

Looking for more.
Changing my lore.
Choosing action when unsure.
Walking away from certainty’s lure,
and, when I have to endure,
I cherish and relish unforgiving freedom,
Knowing, that I can take it,
mould it and fold it,
accept what I’ve been given,
Intrinsically driven.
I take and make misfortune,
to obey and teach,
like a leach I devour,
Essence of power,
and now,
it is me.

I’ve learned,
and earned the right to live,
share and give.
And, if it leads to my fall,
I’ll take it all,
and make it, something beautiful.
Like a fool I thrive for growth
Loosening the rigid perceptions,
following affections,
Seeing gifts in my imperfections.

Looking for more.
Changing my lore.
Choosing action when unsure.
Walking away from certainty’s lure,
and, when I have to endure,
I cherish and relish unforgiving freedom,
Knowing, that I can take it,
mould it and fold it,
accept what I’ve been given,
Intrinsically driven.
I take and make misfortune,
to obey and teach,
like a leach I devour,
Essence of power,
and now,
it is me.

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Experiment with truth

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When forgotten is the unity.
Left is mutiny and dictatorship of mind.
Thinking that I am in control,
and majority’s poll, agreed
and believed, but then I sat down
Determined, to stay in place.
I lost all my face, such disgrace.
I can’t sit in peace, but at least,
I sat, on the mat, for a while.
Thinking of tumours benign,
and wine, minds whine.

After long, five minutes,
I rose, scratched my nose,
and thought, against whom I fought?
Resistance is all for naught.
Maybe, just maybe,
there’s a way without internal resistance?
Behind wind can be assistance.
But is it compatible with change?
Or will I be stuck, in a strange, habitual, misery.

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Friend

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Friend, feeling crippling fear.
Avoiding end that’s near.
Left hundred or just one year.
Or even less, what a mess.
Friend, you are stressed.
You have done good job,
excellent job,
and given everything, away.
Trust, friends, laughter and love.
Sacrificed yourself to keep me safe.
You beat me to the ground,
Screamed so loud.
Tears falling, but heart still loving.
So that I’d be prepared?
So that I’d be feared?
So that nothing, in this cruel world could hurt me!

You taught about society,
to feel separation in variety.
But my ego, my friend.
let this way of life end.

Higher, we aim to reach.
A gap to goals, we need to breach.
But, is it necessarily better?
We like sunny but also need rainy weather.
Our eyes glaze in envy, seeing other,
envious of our own sister brother.
And underlying cause, our internal flaws.

We think that we are not enough.
Need to be strong, need to be tough.
But, if I’d be the prettiest, strongest, smartest.
Everyone else below, nowhere to thrive,
all of my goals I’ve reached, I’ve arrived
Is this what I want to see
What sick fucker I have to be.

So, ego my friend.
Let’s discover the world, unseen and new.
Climb a mountain, enjoy a view.
And know, I’ve grown.
So far the way, you have shown.
Now, I want to fall and rise.
Get hurt and still seek the prize.
To be wise, take off mask and disguise,
and let myself be seen.

When I am in between,
decisions, options, roads and ways.
Even in despair, I want to choose.
Take responsibility when I lose.
Receive bad, and good news.
Gather clues, notice hues,
in monotone everyday.
And seek my own true way.
And what you have to say, I’ll listen,
but final decision is mine,
even when I have crossed the line.
Have to listen complaints and whine.
I’ll say, I chose it,
Even if it hurts a bit, or a lot,
I did my best, gave it all I got.

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Jump

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I jump from familiar misery,
up into chaos unknown.
To unfreeze my time.
The change, sublime.
The change, raging fear.
Retreating from life so near.
But my dear, was old life really so bad?
In chaos you might go mad,
and lose yourself.

Well, this would be ideal.
To choose a healthy meal.
To construct self on truth.
In youth,
I gobbled down superstitious views,
agitated by the news.
You can’t, you shouldn’t, behave.
Now, nice obedient slave.

In chaos I’ll see,
Who I truly am and who I want to be,
I will create this new me,
And old habitual self can wither in past.
At last, I’ll leave its grasp.

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Darkness

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Darkness,
is sipping me.
Like a cup of tea.
Left, less and less,
but somehow
I feel blessed,
as if all this were a test,
A Grand joke,
as it pokes,
my beliefs away.
Nothing left to say,
Or think.
Eyes, blink blink.
Occasional wink.
Who knows,
where road leads,
what kind of seeds
fulfilling deeds
life brings forth.
Meanwhile,
Darkness,
is sipping me
and I’m slowly fading
And maybe
I’ll die.
Still no need for goodbye.
Cause It’s drinking only lies
And why’s.
Explanations.
Expectations.
And soon,
there will be left, only,
Truth.
When wall of separations,
Falls,
I will finally see
That I am the
darkness
Sipping me

 

This poem has 3 loops.

0

Control

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Tiger in me,
So soft, kind and cuddly,
walks around,
making no sound.
Improving skills,
Paying bills,
Why?
lost in doubt.
Wanting to shout.
Its purpose.
But nothing comes out.
Not even snout.
Self is lost.
Aim is lost.
Unknowingly brainwashed.
long given control,
Face drooling, playing a role,
Left only a tiny spark, from the whole.
From the tiger, there is left,
a well-trained kitten,
But it awoke from illusion.
Illusion of golden average,
To use comparison as leverage,
Overwhelmed by anxiety,
No need for variety.
But what about my dreams?
It’s all been beaten down
You dreamer, you clown.
To change,
To be heard,
And as I am following the herd,
constant echoes that new is baaaad,
are you maaad,
all rushing together,
who knows where?

I won’t play this game.
I’ll be a freak!
To reach the peak.
I’ll take control.
I want it all.
Obsession to live,
Share and give,
is waking me up,
form delusion,
and conclusion,
is to grow and give.
it has big allure.
accept pain, endure.
stand for my dreams,
even if it leads,
to devastation.
I would happily roar
and soar,
to unseen heights,
with obsessive action,
not giving a fraction,
of time
to doubt
and shout,
smiling ear-to-ear,
ridding myself of fear.
Shouting,
from the top of my lungs:
Tiger, in me, is alive,
and I, am, alive!

0

Burn

fire

[I’m burning away in fire.
I want that flame to reach higher.
Reborn, as flames fade,
world stayed the same.
So I set my world ablaze.
To burn it down.
Burn all old, or new,
to myself I need to be true,
it will remain only if it’s truth,
and,
if it can stand the heat.
The blaze is far from its peak.
But my beautiful sculpted feathers?
Smouldering doubt,
I give it my fiercest heat
to forge the truth
and though pretty,
my past illusions
worldly delusions
and false conclusions
shall all,
burn away,
and I  ]*(Loop)

am burning away in fire.
I want that flame to reach higher.
Reborn, as flames fade,
world stayed the same.
So I set my world ablaze.
To burn it down.
Burn all old, or new,
to myself I need to be true,
it will remain only if it’s truth,
and,
if it can stand the heat.
The blaze is far from its peak.
But my beautiful sculpted feathers?
Smouldering doubt,
I give it my fiercest heat
to forge the truth
and though pretty,
my past illusions
worldly delusions
and false conclusions
shall all,
burn away
as fuel,
nutrition,
for my wholehearted ambition,
to nourish us all.

 

0

Road

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For greed or need,
following money’s lead.
But, the result is the same,
reduced to a slave,
or a docile little pet.
And, what I get?

Still, I walk on the hell’s road,
carrying its load,
and to self I vowed,
that, soon I’ll walk away,
yeah, that’s what I said.
Now, in the brink of collapse,
too tired look up and see
where I am going,
but the guideposts were showing
and devil was vowing
that better future lies straight ahead.
Just follow the horde,
that almighty lord,
they had all given their word.

Shocked, by a gilt of fear,
I’ve already given away what’s dear,
this was my ideal, in the past,
it did not last.
So tired, without any will to act,
I have already made a pact.

So, I walk on hell’s road,
carrying its load,
as a zombie, a walking corps,
following light on a devil’s torch,
a thoughtless slave
cannot be saved
if I am afraid.

Sweet familiar suffering,
and habit is buffering,
the need to learn and improve,
can I still choose
new direction and move,
higher, but downhill road is so much wider,
and unknown is filled with danger,
to my friends I might become a stranger.
As a dull minded corpse,
things are only getting worse.
When I live in the fear of death,
my soul has taken, its very last breath.

0

Later

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New day.
And what I say.
Hmm, not today.
I chose delay.
Old habits got their way.
Devastated, in bed I lay.
Inaction,
destroying satisfaction,
living a fraction
of what could be.
But I do not see,
an alternative.
World seems affirmative,
to my inability,
mere liability.
Maybe psychiatry,
can lead me from depths of fear.
To step up, with next gear,
as life really is, so dear,
paralysed, cannot go near.
Anxiety grows
as the time flows
obligations in rows
and past clearly shows
that I am utter mess,
and as I guessed,
there is so much to do.
Still, exhaustion fills
and kills,
all remnants of motivation.
Now, I sit in agitation,
sad repeating revelation,
but day brings reactive panic
it’s borderline manic.
In a moment of contemplation
I wondered,
with internal hunger:
Can it change?
Can I change?
And from the depths of emptiness,
sounds,
yes.
Haah, what?
Yes?
How?
And then friend comes.
Makes me laugh.
Momentarily happy.
And the seed of action
with great satisfaction,
restores forgotten order,
reverses hotter colder,
reverses cause reaction,
reverses feeling action.
Rises control and satisfaction.
Realise that feelings are results,
and I wait them to cause or change,
then I pause.
So strange.
That I was waiting for a fear to push me forward.
Am I really such a coward?
then I devoured
and it powered
bias toward action.
Intrinsic attraction,
to create feelings,
finish dealings,
as I can run away, so stressed,
I confessed
that stress,
encouraged me to avoid,
both important and inescapable.
But am I able,
to overcome instinct and thrive,
rather than just escape and survive?

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