Honey, how do I look?
This looks shii…
What?
Confusion
Sadness
This terrible drop.
I beg a pardon
For my foolish words.
Lazy I have been,
This beauty just so many times I have seen.
First, let me take a proper look.
My heart just shook.
This beauty
Body
Your eyes
Lips
And hips
Hidden, under clothing and butt,
I prefer you butt naked.
Slightly shaken.
And completely awaken.
We live in night.
Where unexpected gives a fright.
Domesticated part of wild,
seems mild.
Abiding by the rules,
more like clues from different views,
to confuse, this tranquil illusion,
orderly world delusion
with ever changing reality
switch from fixed mentality
and grow.
But why I have to grow?
I am doing well right now.
Do you think that the guilt will pass with time?
Or magical motivation will arise?
Great surprise in the mist of gradual demise.
Underneath the heap of lies,
I’ll only find desperate cries.
Sure, I can avoid my rite of passage.
To idols send a message.
That I’ll stay at home, alone, afraid.
Security over-weighed, fulfilling life.
Do I want to live in regret, slowly forget,
that I was too afraid to put a bet, on myself?
No no no, I better die right now.
Even when the chance of success is low.
I vow, that starting from now.
I trust that there is a chance to succeed.
Trust that I can acquire skills I need.
I am enough to learn and improve,
In a groove make a move.
Overcome adversity,
Increase diversity.
Transcend myself in unknown
and all external motivators,
influators, mediators,
will disintegrate.
And thus, I adapt.
So, all good lies within unknown.
Stepped forward but ground did not hold.
Was I fool to be this bold?
To face unknown.
Am I here to die or grow?
The answer, must be shown.
Sweat dripping,
Boot flipping, in the air,
and despair of demons near,
I’m too aware.
Mind says, you must run away,
not today, please obey.
I step forward, legs shaking.
Past structures are breaking.
Slowly awaking in the battleground.
After long round, I found,
indeed, I am enough.
It’s not that bad,
overwhelmingly glad,
I have made safe unknown known.
Like an adventurer.
Who went into darkness,
and brought back light.
Witnessed mergence of wrong and right.
And I caught a glimpse,
decided that I will venture in,
Betting all to my win.
Fear collapsed, and left is flow.
In a fierce fight forward, I go,
demon escaping from my blow,
deceiving and faking,
reality shaking,
good they’re breaking,
assuming confusing,
and awaking,
and paradigm Changed.
Fight seemed like an elegant dance,
graceful trance,
with synchronous action,
without a fraction for delay,
and thus we sway.
Forgotten day,
And time,
And space,
Own face.
Increasing pace.
I flip and demons split.
Duality ripped.
Balance tipped.
And left is truth.
Invigoratingly loving youth,
transforming to whole universe,
I was immersed.
In this loving abundant radiance,
saw, it’s me, how can it be?
No longer the same,
radiance did fade,
and I had made impossible possible,
for self and others.
For all my brothers.
The glow in heart remained,
and reminded,
that fears were blinded.
Horizon widened,
with a playful grin
I went all in.
Looking back,
chance of winning was slim,
future grim, this irrational whim,
made me grow, in unknown.
Now near the pockets of fear
Doubt agony and despair,
showing that I am close,
Where I once chose an alternative,
Chose to fully live.
But it still,
is Night.
Small rocks, rolling away
From the path, cannot sway
With inner light
And sparkle in the eyes
Gives rise
To lies
Lies that this never ends
need to make amends
accept the temporary
isn’t it arbitrary?
When all dissolves
And evolves
Continuously revolves
Creates meaningless desperation
Souls starvation
Souls deep desire
To break free and light a fire
From the spark
inner spark
That glitters in the eyes
gives rise
To creativity
meaningless activity
Why?
It all crumbles to dust
Everything will rust
Engines will bust
Like a gust
Everything perishes
temporarily flourishes
And fades away
Like sunsets last ray
Like last water drop after heavy rain
can’t hold
maintain
This fleeting sound
That quietly echoes
And signals the change
Isn’t it strange
passing moment
Never to be found again
Echoes in the mind
Again, rewind
But what’s the cost
Something was lost
First sun ray behind the cloud
Birds singing loud
Or the peace,
that followed the echo
All because the need to keep
Moments, to gather a heap
Precious moments aren’t cheap
Drowning in the past so deep
Can’t escape, can’t make the leap
From its grasp
Everything disappears so fast
Why?
Why it cannot last
End creates space for new
Who knew
To create we need to destroy
Know sadness to experience joy
Even death, agony, and rotten flesh
Are important in life, as happiness and things that are fresh
it’s all important, just as it is
So mind, please
Please,
Please let go
Go with the flow
And experience it all
Both rise and the fall
Love sorrow
it has seeds for happiness tomorrow
love fear
fully love what’s dear
yes, it might end
so, better amend
let loose, let it all free
some will stay, you’ll see
if it goes, goes bad, ends, or fails
it’s all best for future ventures sails
Say to the face in the mirror
To this pale, sweaty, screaming thing
Say, let it all go!!!!
Aahhhh!!
Noooo!!!
can’t, It’s me
Can’t you see
It’s important
It.s all me
Like a hoarder
Clinging to the remnants of the past
Scary world, it’s so vast
And I, to tiny so minuscule
Every memory is a tool
I’m not a fool
need to fight the world so cruel
Why?
Cause I need to predict
Understand, energy they emit
To defend
pretend
Why?
Unknown, the future
Ultimately what is good or bad
Ones happiness might make else sad
And even more, how to defend
By being fake, to reach some end
is there really a true best way?
Think before, what to say
Rather than having faith and trust
That all is fine and have a blast
Enjoy what’s coming ahead
Cause in the next moment we might be dead
Party,
But party alone,
is not much to party about.
Just mere shout,
helping friend along.
Making perfect this moment, song.
We all improve and sometimes we are wrong,
but humanity will prolong.
And like that, we keep on climbing.
Living hard, hearts are smiling.
We all deserve gratitude and love.
And even greatest heights
that reached together
are made so much better.
And, it makes me want to party.
But party alone,
is not much to party about.
Just mere shout,
helping friend along.
Making perfect this moment, song.
We all improve and sometimes we are wrong,
but humanity will prolong.
And like that, we keep on climbing.
Living hard, hearts are smiling.
We all deserve gratitude and love.
And even greatest heights
that reached together
are made so much better.
And, it makes me want to party.
I’ve learned and earned,
the right to live, share and give,
and, if it leads to my fall,
I’ll take it all,
and make it, something beautiful.
Like a fool I thrive for growth.
Loosening the rigid perceptions,
following affections,
Seeing gifts in my imperfections.
Looking for more.
Changing my lore.
Choosing action when unsure.
Walking away from certainty’s lure,
and, when I have to endure,
I cherish and relish unforgiving freedom,
Knowing, that I can take it,
mould it and fold it,
accept what I’ve been given,
Intrinsically driven.
I take and make misfortune,
to obey and teach,
like a leach I devour,
Essence of power,
and now,
it is me.
I’ve learned,
and earned the right to live,
share and give.
And, if it leads to my fall,
I’ll take it all,
and make it, something beautiful.
Like a fool I thrive for growth
Loosening the rigid perceptions,
following affections,
Seeing gifts in my imperfections.
Looking for more.
Changing my lore.
Choosing action when unsure.
Walking away from certainty’s lure,
and, when I have to endure,
I cherish and relish unforgiving freedom,
Knowing, that I can take it,
mould it and fold it,
accept what I’ve been given,
Intrinsically driven.
I take and make misfortune,
to obey and teach,
like a leach I devour,
Essence of power,
and now,
it is me.
When forgotten is the unity.
Left is mutiny and dictatorship of mind.
Thinking that I am in control,
and majority’s poll, agreed
and believed, but then I sat down
Determined, to stay in place.
I lost all my face, such disgrace.
I can’t sit in peace, but at least,
I sat, on the mat, for a while.
Thinking of tumours benign,
and wine, minds whine.
After long, five minutes,
I rose, scratched my nose,
and thought, against whom I fought?
Resistance is all for naught.
Maybe, just maybe,
there’s a way without internal resistance?
Behind wind can be assistance.
But is it compatible with change?
Or will I be stuck, in a strange, habitual, misery.
Friend, feeling crippling fear.
Avoiding end that’s near.
Left hundred or just one year.
Or even less, what a mess.
Friend, you are stressed.
You have done good job,
excellent job,
and given everything, away.
Trust, friends, laughter and love.
Sacrificed yourself to keep me safe.
You beat me to the ground,
Screamed so loud.
Tears falling, but heart still loving.
So that I’d be prepared?
So that I’d be feared?
So that nothing, in this cruel world could hurt me!
You taught about society,
to feel separation in variety.
But my ego, my friend.
let this way of life end.
Higher, we aim to reach.
A gap to goals, we need to breach.
But, is it necessarily better?
We like sunny but also need rainy weather.
Our eyes glaze in envy, seeing other,
envious of our own sister brother.
And underlying cause, our internal flaws.
We think that we are not enough.
Need to be strong, need to be tough.
But, if I’d be the prettiest, strongest, smartest.
Everyone else below, nowhere to thrive,
all of my goals I’ve reached, I’ve arrived
Is this what I want to see
What sick fucker I have to be.
So, ego my friend.
Let’s discover the world, unseen and new.
Climb a mountain, enjoy a view.
And know, I’ve grown.
So far the way, you have shown.
Now, I want to fall and rise.
Get hurt and still seek the prize.
To be wise, take off mask and disguise,
and let myself be seen.
When I am in between,
decisions, options, roads and ways.
Even in despair, I want to choose.
Take responsibility when I lose.
Receive bad, and good news.
Gather clues, notice hues,
in monotone everyday.
And seek my own true way.
And what you have to say, I’ll listen,
but final decision is mine,
even when I have crossed the line.
Have to listen complaints and whine.
I’ll say, I chose it,
Even if it hurts a bit, or a lot,
I did my best, gave it all I got.
I jump from familiar misery,
up into chaos unknown.
To unfreeze my time.
The change, sublime.
The change, raging fear.
Retreating from life so near.
But my dear, was old life really so bad?
In chaos you might go mad,
and lose yourself.
Well, this would be ideal.
To choose a healthy meal.
To construct self on truth.
In youth,
I gobbled down superstitious views,
agitated by the news.
You can’t, you shouldn’t, behave.
Now, nice obedient slave.
In chaos I’ll see,
Who I truly am and who I want to be,
I will create this new me,
And old habitual self can wither in past.
At last, I’ll leave its grasp.
[I was born in pain.
Just follow, stay sane.
Learned rules,
in schools,
But there were so many fools
just being tools
and it tore me away.
Still I stayed.
And obeyed.
And lion came.
I felt shame.
Others pain.
Was it all in vain.
All slain.
And lion came,
to me.
Too close to see
and said,
What the fuck brother,
we have a same mother
and you’re
Cowering in fear.
I changed.
Took responsibility.
For my ability,
capability
and said,
Thank you.
I was wrong]*(repeat loop)
But, I was born in pain
Just follow, stay sane.
Learned rules,
in schools,
But there were so many fools
just being tools
and it tore me away.
Still I stayed.
And obeyed.
And lion came.
I felt shame.
Others pain.
Was it all in vain.
All slain.
And lion came,
to me.
Too close to see
and said,
What the fuck brother,
we have a same mother
and you’re
Cowering in fear.
I changed.
Took responsibility.
For my ability,
capability,
and said,
Thank you.
Every day I sing a dragon repelling song.
It’s super effective, I’m alive after so long.
Certain misery over chance of success.
When I want to compliment a pretty dress,
with dying friend, wanna play some chess
and glancing at an appealing stranger,
mind lights up with sense of danger.
Retreats, and chooses certain misery.
when challengers flight went wrong,
people were whistling dragon repelling song,
thinking that in misery you cannot go wrong.
What we say to life? Not Today!
Things might not go in desired way.
And that’s why I choose,
Certain misery, and lose.
Poems 