Long gone past,
is still in my grasp.
It’s not the last, time.
I review it, Renew it.
I blew it.
I scratch my wound,
pitifully doomed.
Memory loomed and assumed,
that I won’t be forgiven.
Don’t I want to be forgiven?
And thus, I shiver,
poisoning my liver
drowning in a river,
to satisfy internal judge,
its eternal grudge.
It won’t budge.
Even after thousandth time.
Punishing self for forgotten crime.
Haven’t quenched its thirst for pain.
Small rocks, rolling away
From the path, cannot sway
With inner light
And sparkle in the eyes
Gives rise
To lies
Lies that this never ends
need to make amends
accept the temporary
isn’t it arbitrary?
When all dissolves
And evolves
Continuously revolves
Creates meaningless desperation
Souls starvation
Souls deep desire
To break free and light a fire
From the spark
inner spark
That glitters in the eyes
gives rise
To creativity
meaningless activity
Why?
It all crumbles to dust
Everything will rust
Engines will bust
Like a gust
Everything perishes
temporarily flourishes
And fades away
Like sunsets last ray
Like last water drop after heavy rain
can’t hold
maintain
This fleeting sound
That quietly echoes
And signals the change
Isn’t it strange
passing moment
Never to be found again
Echoes in the mind
Again, rewind
But what’s the cost
Something was lost
First sun ray behind the cloud
Birds singing loud
Or the peace,
that followed the echo
All because the need to keep
Moments, to gather a heap
Precious moments aren’t cheap
Drowning in the past so deep
Can’t escape, can’t make the leap
From its grasp
Everything disappears so fast
Why?
Why it cannot last
End creates space for new
Who knew
To create we need to destroy
Know sadness to experience joy
Even death, agony, and rotten flesh
Are important in life, as happiness and things that are fresh
it’s all important, just as it is
So mind, please
Please,
Please let go
Go with the flow
And experience it all
Both rise and the fall
Love sorrow
it has seeds for happiness tomorrow
love fear
fully love what’s dear
yes, it might end
so, better amend
let loose, let it all free
some will stay, you’ll see
if it goes, goes bad, ends, or fails
it’s all best for future ventures sails
Say to the face in the mirror
To this pale, sweaty, screaming thing
Say, let it all go!!!!
Aahhhh!!
Noooo!!!
can’t, It’s me
Can’t you see
It’s important
It.s all me
Like a hoarder
Clinging to the remnants of the past
Scary world, it’s so vast
And I, to tiny so minuscule
Every memory is a tool
I’m not a fool
need to fight the world so cruel
Why?
Cause I need to predict
Understand, energy they emit
To defend
pretend
Why?
Unknown, the future
Ultimately what is good or bad
Ones happiness might make else sad
And even more, how to defend
By being fake, to reach some end
is there really a true best way?
Think before, what to say
Rather than having faith and trust
That all is fine and have a blast
Enjoy what’s coming ahead
Cause in the next moment we might be dead
When forgotten is the unity.
Left is mutiny and dictatorship of mind.
Thinking that I am in control,
and majority’s poll, agreed
and believed, but then I sat down
Determined, to stay in place.
I lost all my face, such disgrace.
I can’t sit in peace, but at least,
I sat, on the mat, for a while.
Thinking of tumours benign,
and wine, minds whine.
After long, five minutes,
I rose, scratched my nose,
and thought, against whom I fought?
Resistance is all for naught.
Maybe, just maybe,
there’s a way without internal resistance?
Behind wind can be assistance.
But is it compatible with change?
Or will I be stuck, in a strange, habitual, misery.
Friend, feeling crippling fear.
Avoiding end that’s near.
Left hundred or just one year.
Or even less, what a mess.
Friend, you are stressed.
You have done good job,
excellent job,
and given everything, away.
Trust, friends, laughter and love.
Sacrificed yourself to keep me safe.
You beat me to the ground,
Screamed so loud.
Tears falling, but heart still loving.
So that I’d be prepared?
So that I’d be feared?
So that nothing, in this cruel world could hurt me!
You taught about society,
to feel separation in variety.
But my ego, my friend.
let this way of life end.
Higher, we aim to reach.
A gap to goals, we need to breach.
But, is it necessarily better?
We like sunny but also need rainy weather.
Our eyes glaze in envy, seeing other,
envious of our own sister brother.
And underlying cause, our internal flaws.
We think that we are not enough.
Need to be strong, need to be tough.
But, if I’d be the prettiest, strongest, smartest.
Everyone else below, nowhere to thrive,
all of my goals I’ve reached, I’ve arrived
Is this what I want to see
What sick fucker I have to be.
So, ego my friend.
Let’s discover the world, unseen and new.
Climb a mountain, enjoy a view.
And know, I’ve grown.
So far the way, you have shown.
Now, I want to fall and rise.
Get hurt and still seek the prize.
To be wise, take off mask and disguise,
and let myself be seen.
When I am in between,
decisions, options, roads and ways.
Even in despair, I want to choose.
Take responsibility when I lose.
Receive bad, and good news.
Gather clues, notice hues,
in monotone everyday.
And seek my own true way.
And what you have to say, I’ll listen,
but final decision is mine,
even when I have crossed the line.
Have to listen complaints and whine.
I’ll say, I chose it,
Even if it hurts a bit, or a lot,
I did my best, gave it all I got.
I jump from familiar misery,
up into chaos unknown.
To unfreeze my time.
The change, sublime.
The change, raging fear.
Retreating from life so near.
But my dear, was old life really so bad?
In chaos you might go mad,
and lose yourself.
Well, this would be ideal.
To choose a healthy meal.
To construct self on truth.
In youth,
I gobbled down superstitious views,
agitated by the news.
You can’t, you shouldn’t, behave.
Now, nice obedient slave.
In chaos I’ll see,
Who I truly am and who I want to be,
I will create this new me,
And old habitual self can wither in past.
At last, I’ll leave its grasp.
Every day I sing a dragon repelling song.
It’s super effective, I’m alive after so long.
Certain misery over chance of success.
When I want to compliment a pretty dress,
with dying friend, wanna play some chess
and glancing at an appealing stranger,
mind lights up with sense of danger.
Retreats, and chooses certain misery.
when challengers flight went wrong,
people were whistling dragon repelling song,
thinking that in misery you cannot go wrong.
What we say to life? Not Today!
Things might not go in desired way.
And that’s why I choose,
Certain misery, and lose.
Darkness,
is sipping me.
Like a cup of tea.
Left, less and less,
but somehow
I feel blessed,
as if all this were a test,
A Grand joke,
as it pokes,
my beliefs away.
Nothing left to say,
Or think.
Eyes, blink blink.
Occasional wink.
Who knows,
where road leads,
what kind of seeds
fulfilling deeds
life brings forth.
Meanwhile,
Darkness,
is sipping me
and I’m slowly fading
And maybe
I’ll die.
Still no need for goodbye.
Cause It’s drinking only lies
And why’s.
Explanations.
Expectations.
And soon,
there will be left, only,
Truth.
When wall of separations,
Falls,
I will finally see
That I am the
darkness
Sipping me
This poem has 3 loops.
For greed or need,
following money’s lead.
But, the result is the same,
reduced to a slave,
or a docile little pet.
And, what I get?
Still, I walk on the hell’s road,
carrying its load,
and to self I vowed,
that, soon I’ll walk away,
yeah, that’s what I said.
Now, in the brink of collapse,
too tired look up and see
where I am going,
but the guideposts were showing
and devil was vowing
that better future lies straight ahead.
Just follow the horde,
that almighty lord,
they had all given their word.
Shocked, by a gilt of fear,
I’ve already given away what’s dear,
this was my ideal, in the past,
it did not last.
So tired, without any will to act,
I have already made a pact.
So, I walk on hell’s road,
carrying its load,
as a zombie, a walking corps,
following light on a devil’s torch,
a thoughtless slave
cannot be saved
if I am afraid.
Sweet familiar suffering,
and habit is buffering,
the need to learn and improve,
can I still choose
new direction and move,
higher, but downhill road is so much wider,
and unknown is filled with danger,
to my friends I might become a stranger.
As a dull minded corpse,
things are only getting worse.
When I live in the fear of death,
my soul has taken, its very last breath.
Poems 