Circular poem:Hero’s Journey

saxon-switzerland-539418_1920

We live in night.
Where unexpected gives a fright.
Domesticated part of wild,
seems mild.
Abiding by the rules,
more like clues from different views,
to confuse, this tranquil illusion,
orderly world delusion
with ever changing reality
switch from fixed mentality
and grow.
But why I have to grow?
I am doing well right now.
Do you think that the guilt will pass with time?
Or magical motivation will arise?
Great surprise in the mist of gradual demise.
Underneath the heap of lies,
I’ll only find desperate cries.

Sure, I can avoid my rite of passage.
To idols send a message.
That I’ll stay at home, alone, afraid.
Security over-weighed, fulfilling life.
Do I want to live in regret, slowly forget,
that I was too afraid to put a bet, on myself?

No no no, I better die right now.
Even when the chance of success is low.
I vow, that starting from now.
I trust that there is a chance to succeed.
Trust that I can acquire skills I need.
I am enough to learn and improve,
In a groove make a move.
Overcome adversity,
Increase diversity.
Transcend myself in unknown
and all external motivators,
influators, mediators,
will disintegrate.
And thus, I adapt.

So, all good lies within unknown.
Stepped forward but ground did not hold.
Was I fool to be this bold?
To face unknown.
Am I here to die or grow?
The answer, must be shown.

Sweat dripping,
Boot flipping, in the air,
and despair of demons near,
I’m too aware.
Mind says, you must run away,
not today, please obey.

I step forward, legs shaking.
Past structures are breaking.
Slowly awaking in the battleground.
After long round, I found,
indeed, I am enough.
It’s not that bad,
overwhelmingly glad,
I have made safe unknown known.

Like an adventurer.
Who went into darkness,
and brought back light.
Witnessed mergence of wrong and right.
And I caught a glimpse,
decided that I will venture in,
Betting all to my win.

Fear collapsed, and left is flow.
In a fierce fight forward, I go,
demon escaping from my blow,
deceiving and faking,
reality shaking,
good they’re breaking,
assuming confusing,
and awaking,
and paradigm Changed.

Fight seemed like an elegant dance,
graceful trance,
with synchronous action,
without a fraction for delay,
and thus we sway.
Forgotten day,
And time,
And space,
Own face.
Increasing pace.
I flip and demons split.
Duality ripped.
Balance tipped.
And left is truth.
Invigoratingly loving youth,
transforming to whole universe,
I was immersed.
In this loving abundant radiance,
saw, it’s me, how can it be?

No longer the same,
radiance did fade,
and I had made impossible possible,
for self and others.
For all my brothers.
The glow in heart remained,
and reminded,
that fears were blinded.
Horizon widened,
with a playful grin
I went all in.

Looking back,
chance of winning was slim,
future grim, this irrational whim,
made me grow, in unknown.
Now near the pockets of fear
Doubt agony and despair,
showing that I am close,
Where I once chose an alternative,
Chose to fully live.
But it still,
is Night.

November 23, 2018 0

Growth

water-396942_1920

I’ve learned and earned,
the right to live, share and give,
and, if it leads to my fall,
I’ll take it all,
and make it, something beautiful.
Like a fool I thrive for growth.
Loosening the rigid perceptions,
following affections,
Seeing gifts in my imperfections.

Looking for more.
Changing my lore.
Choosing action when unsure.
Walking away from certainty’s lure,
and, when I have to endure,
I cherish and relish unforgiving freedom,
Knowing, that I can take it,
mould it and fold it,
accept what I’ve been given,
Intrinsically driven.
I take and make misfortune,
to obey and teach,
like a leach I devour,
Essence of power,
and now,
it is me.

I’ve learned,
and earned the right to live,
share and give.
And, if it leads to my fall,
I’ll take it all,
and make it, something beautiful.
Like a fool I thrive for growth
Loosening the rigid perceptions,
following affections,
Seeing gifts in my imperfections.

November 12, 2018 0

Welcome to wilderness

african-lion-2888519_1920

[I was born in pain.
Just follow, stay sane.
Learned rules,
in schools,
But there were so many fools
just being tools
and it tore me away.
Still I stayed.
And obeyed.
And lion came.
I felt shame.
Others pain.
Was it all in vain.
All slain.
And lion came,
to me.
Too close to see
and said,
What the fuck brother,
we have a same mother
and you’re
Cowering in fear.
I changed.
Took responsibility.
For my ability,
capability
and said,
Thank you.
I was wrong]*(repeat loop)

But, I was born in pain
Just follow, stay sane.
Learned rules,
in schools,
But there were so many fools
just being tools
and it tore me away.
Still I stayed.
And obeyed.
And lion came.
I felt shame.
Others pain.
Was it all in vain.
All slain.
And lion came,
to me.
Too close to see
and said,
What the fuck brother,
we have a same mother
and you’re
Cowering in fear.
I changed.
Took responsibility.
For my ability,
capability,
and said,
Thank you.

November 2, 2018 1

Control

tiger-2320819_1920

Tiger in me,
So soft, kind and cuddly,
walks around,
making no sound.
Improving skills,
Paying bills,
Why?
lost in doubt.
Wanting to shout.
Its purpose.
But nothing comes out.
Not even snout.
Self is lost.
Aim is lost.
Unknowingly brainwashed.
long given control,
Face drooling, playing a role,
Left only a tiny spark, from the whole.
From the tiger, there is left,
a well-trained kitten,
But it awoke from illusion.
Illusion of golden average,
To use comparison as leverage,
Overwhelmed by anxiety,
No need for variety.
But what about my dreams?
It’s all been beaten down
You dreamer, you clown.
To change,
To be heard,
And as I am following the herd,
constant echoes that new is baaaad,
are you maaad,
all rushing together,
who knows where?

I won’t play this game.
I’ll be a freak!
To reach the peak.
I’ll take control.
I want it all.
Obsession to live,
Share and give,
is waking me up,
form delusion,
and conclusion,
is to grow and give.
it has big allure.
accept pain, endure.
stand for my dreams,
even if it leads,
to devastation.
I would happily roar
and soar,
to unseen heights,
with obsessive action,
not giving a fraction,
of time
to doubt
and shout,
smiling ear-to-ear,
ridding myself of fear.
Shouting,
from the top of my lungs:
Tiger, in me, is alive,
and I, am, alive!

October 20, 2018 0

Burn

fire

[I’m burning away in fire.
I want that flame to reach higher.
Reborn, as flames fade,
world stayed the same.
So I set my world ablaze.
To burn it down.
Burn all old, or new,
to myself I need to be true,
it will remain only if it’s truth,
and,
if it can stand the heat.
The blaze is far from its peak.
But my beautiful sculpted feathers?
Smouldering doubt,
I give it my fiercest heat
to forge the truth
and though pretty,
my past illusions
worldly delusions
and false conclusions
shall all,
burn away,
and I ]*(Loop)

am burning away in fire.
I want that flame to reach higher.
Reborn, as flames fade,
world stayed the same.
So I set my world ablaze.
To burn it down.
Burn all old, or new,
to myself I need to be true,
it will remain only if it’s truth,
and,
if it can stand the heat.
The blaze is far from its peak.
But my beautiful sculpted feathers?
Smouldering doubt,
I give it my fiercest heat
to forge the truth
and though pretty,
my past illusions
worldly delusions
and false conclusions
shall all,
burn away
as fuel,
nutrition,
for my wholehearted ambition,
to nourish us all.

October 19, 2018 0

Later

cat-1351612_1920

New day.
And what I say.
Hmm, not today.
I chose delay.
Old habits got their way.
Devastated, in bed I lay.
Inaction,
destroying satisfaction,
living a fraction
of what could be.
But I do not see,
an alternative.
World seems affirmative,
to my inability,
mere liability.
Maybe psychiatry,
can lead me from depths of fear.
To step up, with next gear,
as life really is, so dear,
paralysed, cannot go near.
Anxiety grows
as the time flows
obligations in rows
and past clearly shows
that I am utter mess,
and as I guessed,
there is so much to do.
Still, exhaustion fills
and kills,
all remnants of motivation.
Now, I sit in agitation,
sad repeating revelation,
but day brings reactive panic
it’s borderline manic.
In a moment of contemplation
I wondered,
with internal hunger:
Can it change?
Can I change?
And from the depths of emptiness,
sounds,
yes.
Haah, what?
Yes?
How?
And then friend comes.
Makes me laugh.
Momentarily happy.
And the seed of action
with great satisfaction,
restores forgotten order,
reverses hotter colder,
reverses cause reaction,
reverses feeling action.
Rises control and satisfaction.
Realise that feelings are results,
and I wait them to cause or change,
then I pause.
So strange.
That I was waiting for a fear to push me forward.
Am I really such a coward?
then I devoured
and it powered
bias toward action.
Intrinsic attraction,
to create feelings,
finish dealings,
as I can run away, so stressed,
I confessed
that stress,
encouraged me to avoid,
both important and inescapable.
But am I able,
to overcome instinct and thrive,
rather than just escape and survive?

October 19, 2018 3

Change

grass-1209945_1920

Tomorrow, I’ll do it, Dead
Later, I’ll do it, Dead
Do I want to be dead, till I act?
As a matter of fact
Like a devilish pact
My own face I have smacked.
The procrastination
Considerate moderation
For today
I’ll do everyday
Except, today
Ohh Yes, tomorrow I’ll change
While waiting for a
Meaning of life
But get only
Old habitual responses
Same consequences
life passes by
and why
Why not act today
Why not do it, now
We are already in doing
Stuck in an action
And what’s left is a choice
Of direction and speed
And matters, every little deed
Every action can nourish the seed
and we can to take the lead
but we can also, wait for tomorrow
It might not arrive
Taking granted that we’ll be alive
Still we have a choice right now
How
We want to sculpt our life
With decisions of change
And so, rearrange
Potential future
And nurture
Life
wholeheartedly