Circular poem:Hero’s Journey

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We live in night.
Where unexpected gives a fright.
Domesticated part of wild,
seems mild.
Abiding by the rules,
more like clues from different views,
to confuse, this tranquil illusion,
orderly world delusion
with ever changing reality
switch from fixed mentality
and grow.
But why I have to grow?
I am doing well right now.
Do you think that the guilt will pass with time?
Or magical motivation will arise?
Great surprise in the mist of gradual demise.
Underneath the heap of lies,
I’ll only find desperate cries.

Sure, I can avoid my rite of passage.
To idols send a message.
That I’ll stay at home, alone, afraid.
Security over-weighed, fulfilling life.
Do I want to live in regret, slowly forget,
that I was too afraid to put a bet, on myself?

No no no, I better die right now.
Even when the chance of success is low.
I vow, that starting from now.
I trust that there is a chance to succeed.
Trust that I can acquire skills I need.
I am enough to learn and improve,
In a groove make a move.
Overcome adversity,
Increase diversity.
Transcend myself in unknown
and all external motivators,
influators, mediators,
will disintegrate.
And thus, I adapt.

So, all good lies within unknown.
Stepped forward but ground did not hold.
Was I fool to be this bold?
To face unknown.
Am I here to die or grow?
The answer, must be shown.

Sweat dripping,
Boot flipping, in the air,
and despair of demons near,
I’m too aware.
Mind says, you must run away,
not today, please obey.

I step forward, legs shaking.
Past structures are breaking.
Slowly awaking in the battleground.
After long round, I found,
indeed, I am enough.
It’s not that bad,
overwhelmingly glad,
I have made safe unknown known.

Like an adventurer.
Who went into darkness,
and brought back light.
Witnessed mergence of wrong and right.
And I caught a glimpse,
decided that I will venture in,
Betting all to my win.

Fear collapsed, and left is flow.
In a fierce fight forward, I go,
demon escaping from my blow,
deceiving and faking,
reality shaking,
good they’re breaking,
assuming confusing,
and awaking,
and paradigm Changed.

Fight seemed like an elegant dance,
graceful trance,
with synchronous action,
without a fraction for delay,
and thus we sway.
Forgotten day,
And time,
And space,
Own face.
Increasing pace.
I flip and demons split.
Duality ripped.
Balance tipped.
And left is truth.
Invigoratingly loving youth,
transforming to whole universe,
I was immersed.
In this loving abundant radiance,
saw, it’s me, how can it be?

No longer the same,
radiance did fade,
and I had made impossible possible,
for self and others.
For all my brothers.
The glow in heart remained,
and reminded,
that fears were blinded.
Horizon widened,
with a playful grin
I went all in.

Looking back,
chance of winning was slim,
future grim, this irrational whim,
made me grow, in unknown.
Now near the pockets of fear
Doubt agony and despair,
showing that I am close,
Where I once chose an alternative,
Chose to fully live.
But it still,
is Night.

November 23, 2018 0

Poem: Contemplation

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Small rocks, rolling away
From the path, cannot sway
With inner light
And sparkle in the eyes
Gives rise
To lies

Lies that this never ends
need to make amends
accept the temporary
isn’t it arbitrary?
When all dissolves
And evolves
Continuously revolves
Creates meaningless desperation
Souls starvation
Souls deep desire
To break free and light a fire
From the spark
inner spark
That glitters in the eyes
gives rise
To creativity
meaningless activity
Why?
It all crumbles to dust
Everything will rust
Engines will bust
Like a gust
Everything perishes
temporarily flourishes
And fades away
Like sunsets last ray
Like last water drop after heavy rain
can’t hold
maintain
This fleeting sound
That quietly echoes
And signals the change
Isn’t it strange
passing moment
Never to be found again
Echoes in the mind
Again, rewind
But what’s the cost
Something was lost
First sun ray behind the cloud
Birds singing loud
Or the peace,
that followed the echo

All because the need to keep
Moments, to gather a heap
Precious moments aren’t cheap
Drowning in the past so deep
Can’t escape, can’t make the leap
From its grasp
Everything disappears so fast
Why?
Why it cannot last
End creates space for new
Who knew

To create we need to destroy
Know sadness to experience joy
Even death, agony, and rotten flesh
Are important in life, as happiness and things that are fresh
it’s all important, just as it is
So mind, please
Please,
Please let go
Go with the flow
And experience it all
Both rise and the fall
Love sorrow
it has seeds for happiness tomorrow
love fear
fully love what’s dear
yes, it might end
so, better amend
let loose, let it all free
some will stay, you’ll see
if it goes, goes bad, ends, or fails
it’s all best for future ventures sails
Say to the face in the mirror
To this pale, sweaty, screaming thing
Say, let it all go!!!!
Aahhhh!!
Noooo!!!
can’t, It’s me
Can’t you see
It’s important
It.s all me
Like a hoarder
Clinging to the remnants of the past
Scary world, it’s so vast
And I, to tiny so minuscule
Every memory is a tool
I’m not a fool
need to fight the world so cruel
Why?
Cause I need to predict
Understand, energy they emit
To defend
pretend
Why?
Unknown, the future
Ultimately what is good or bad
Ones happiness might make else sad
And even more, how to defend
By being fake, to reach some end
is there really a true best way?
Think before, what to say
Rather than having faith and trust
That all is fine and have a blast
Enjoy what’s coming ahead
Cause in the next moment we might be dead

November 21, 2018 0

Jump

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I jump from familiar misery,
up into chaos unknown.
To unfreeze my time.
The change, sublime.
The change, raging fear.
Retreating from life so near.
But my dear, was old life really so bad?
In chaos you might go mad,
and lose yourself.

Well, this would be ideal.
To choose a healthy meal.
To construct self on truth.
In youth,
I gobbled down superstitious views,
agitated by the news.
You can’t, you shouldn’t, behave.
Now, nice obedient slave.

In chaos I’ll see,
Who I truly am and who I want to be,
I will create this new me,
And old habitual self can wither in past.
At last, I’ll leave its grasp.

November 5, 2018 0

Later

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New day.
And what I say.
Hmm, not today.
I chose delay.
Old habits got their way.
Devastated, in bed I lay.
Inaction,
destroying satisfaction,
living a fraction
of what could be.
But I do not see,
an alternative.
World seems affirmative,
to my inability,
mere liability.
Maybe psychiatry,
can lead me from depths of fear.
To step up, with next gear,
as life really is, so dear,
paralysed, cannot go near.
Anxiety grows
as the time flows
obligations in rows
and past clearly shows
that I am utter mess,
and as I guessed,
there is so much to do.
Still, exhaustion fills
and kills,
all remnants of motivation.
Now, I sit in agitation,
sad repeating revelation,
but day brings reactive panic
it’s borderline manic.
In a moment of contemplation
I wondered,
with internal hunger:
Can it change?
Can I change?
And from the depths of emptiness,
sounds,
yes.
Haah, what?
Yes?
How?
And then friend comes.
Makes me laugh.
Momentarily happy.
And the seed of action
with great satisfaction,
restores forgotten order,
reverses hotter colder,
reverses cause reaction,
reverses feeling action.
Rises control and satisfaction.
Realise that feelings are results,
and I wait them to cause or change,
then I pause.
So strange.
That I was waiting for a fear to push me forward.
Am I really such a coward?
then I devoured
and it powered
bias toward action.
Intrinsic attraction,
to create feelings,
finish dealings,
as I can run away, so stressed,
I confessed
that stress,
encouraged me to avoid,
both important and inescapable.
But am I able,
to overcome instinct and thrive,
rather than just escape and survive?

October 19, 2018 3

Change

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Tomorrow, I’ll do it, Dead
Later, I’ll do it, Dead
Do I want to be dead, till I act?
As a matter of fact
Like a devilish pact
My own face I have smacked.
The procrastination
Considerate moderation
For today
I’ll do everyday
Except, today
Ohh Yes, tomorrow I’ll change
While waiting for a
Meaning of life
But get only
Old habitual responses
Same consequences
life passes by
and why
Why not act today
Why not do it, now
We are already in doing
Stuck in an action
And what’s left is a choice
Of direction and speed
And matters, every little deed
Every action can nourish the seed
and we can to take the lead
but we can also, wait for tomorrow
It might not arrive
Taking granted that we’ll be alive
Still we have a choice right now
How
We want to sculpt our life
With decisions of change
And so, rearrange
Potential future
And nurture
Life
wholeheartedly

October 19, 2018 0

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