Jump

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I jump from familiar misery,
up into chaos unknown.
To unfreeze my time.
The change, sublime.
The change, raging fear.
Retreating from life so near.
But my dear, was old life really so bad?
In chaos you might go mad,
and lose yourself.

Well, this would be ideal.
To choose a healthy meal.
To construct self on truth.
In youth,
I gobbled down superstitious views,
agitated by the news.
You can’t, you shouldn’t, behave.
Now, nice obedient slave.

In chaos I’ll see,
Who I truly am and who I want to be,
I will create this new me,
And old habitual self can wither in past.
At last, I’ll leave its grasp.

November 5, 2018 0

Welcome to wilderness

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[I was born in pain.
Just follow, stay sane.
Learned rules,
in schools,
But there were so many fools
just being tools
and it tore me away.
Still I stayed.
And obeyed.
And lion came.
I felt shame.
Others pain.
Was it all in vain.
All slain.
And lion came,
to me.
Too close to see
and said,
What the fuck brother,
we have a same mother
and you’re
Cowering in fear.
I changed.
Took responsibility.
For my ability,
capability
and said,
Thank you.
I was wrong]*(repeat loop)

But, I was born in pain
Just follow, stay sane.
Learned rules,
in schools,
But there were so many fools
just being tools
and it tore me away.
Still I stayed.
And obeyed.
And lion came.
I felt shame.
Others pain.
Was it all in vain.
All slain.
And lion came,
to me.
Too close to see
and said,
What the fuck brother,
we have a same mother
and you’re
Cowering in fear.
I changed.
Took responsibility.
For my ability,
capability,
and said,
Thank you.

November 2, 2018 1

Fall

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Looking down, man, are you sure?
Take your time and think some more.
Do you really want to take the leap?
You’d surely die, only might, reach the peak.
Yes, I said, with a smile.
And jumped.

jumped down, jumped into time.
I was, the bottle of wine.
I was the ugly, dirty look in father’s eyes,
And mothers desire, it was me, in disguise.
I chose to live,
It brought me here.
I was born helpless, I don’t care.
What, a failure? So I try once more.
I kept failing,
but deep in my core
I knew, it could be done.
Rising up, determined,
gleaming with fun
Taking steps one-by -one
Until, I was able to run.
And father laughed,
that’s my little son.

October 31, 2018 0

Sounds of divine mind

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Every day I sing a dragon repelling song.
It’s super effective, I’m alive after so long.
Certain misery over chance of success.
When I want to compliment a pretty dress,
with dying friend, wanna play some chess
and glancing at an appealing stranger,
mind lights up with sense of danger.
Retreats, and chooses certain misery.
when challengers flight went wrong,
people were whistling dragon repelling song,
thinking that in misery you cannot go wrong.

What we say to life? Not Today!
Things might not go in desired way.
And that’s why I choose,
Certain misery, and lose.

October 29, 2018 0

Darkness

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Darkness,
is sipping me.
Like a cup of tea.
Left, less and less,
but somehow
I feel blessed,
as if all this were a test,
A Grand joke,
as it pokes,
my beliefs away.
Nothing left to say,
Or think.
Eyes, blink blink.
Occasional wink.
Who knows,
where road leads,
what kind of seeds
fulfilling deeds
life brings forth.
Meanwhile,
Darkness,
is sipping me
and I’m slowly fading
And maybe
I’ll die.
Still no need for goodbye.
Cause It’s drinking only lies
And why’s.
Explanations.
Expectations.
And soon,
there will be left, only,
Truth.
When wall of separations,
Falls,
I will finally see
That I am the
darkness
Sipping me

This poem has 3 loops.

October 26, 2018 0

Me, wind

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If I were a wind, I’d blow,
and fly,both high and low.
I would destroy, just to see,
How humongous, power can be.
But, after a test or two,
Causing death and despair,
Of my power, I’d be aware.
But,
can I make one flower petal move?
Or am I here, just for doom?
I’d whirl around,
Blow through the trees,
Gently, to not rip the leaves
The shashling sound so, so enormous,
is just gentle enough
to make leaves whirl around,
rising all, off the ground,
but now, quiet and slow,
still forward I’d go,
Left only a tiny gust
to lift a droplet of dust
to a bead of dew
and make it lightly,
wiggle,
twiggle,
Drop

October 24, 2018 0

Tea

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I have been waiting for you.
And now you are here,
my heart says: this is it.
I am still hesitating a bit.
Maybe,
you just have some kind of a magical allure,
bewitching me
to see,
something, unreal.
Even if it’s all delusion,
I won’t live in fear
Who you are, I need to hear.
What gets you to going?
Do you like when it’s snowing?
And,
Would you like to come and see?
What’s your, favourite tea?

Sipping tea and chatting,
until moon rises high,
breaking open the shell of shy,
just smoke left form candle light
and you know it’s right.
You feel like…
You are completely,
utterly,
accepted.
And you are.
Intoxicating flavour
Sparking hidden desire
lighting senses on fire
in rising heat
Smell so sweet
this midnight treat
makes life complete,
You rise from your seat
And see,
this is an ordinary tea.
Collapses inner deceit.
Heart like drumbeat
and from defeat,
though discrete,
You feel,
Loved.

October 22, 2018 0

Control

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Tiger in me,
So soft, kind and cuddly,
walks around,
making no sound.
Improving skills,
Paying bills,
Why?
lost in doubt.
Wanting to shout.
Its purpose.
But nothing comes out.
Not even snout.
Self is lost.
Aim is lost.
Unknowingly brainwashed.
long given control,
Face drooling, playing a role,
Left only a tiny spark, from the whole.
From the tiger, there is left,
a well-trained kitten,
But it awoke from illusion.
Illusion of golden average,
To use comparison as leverage,
Overwhelmed by anxiety,
No need for variety.
But what about my dreams?
It’s all been beaten down
You dreamer, you clown.
To change,
To be heard,
And as I am following the herd,
constant echoes that new is baaaad,
are you maaad,
all rushing together,
who knows where?

I won’t play this game.
I’ll be a freak!
To reach the peak.
I’ll take control.
I want it all.
Obsession to live,
Share and give,
is waking me up,
form delusion,
and conclusion,
is to grow and give.
it has big allure.
accept pain, endure.
stand for my dreams,
even if it leads,
to devastation.
I would happily roar
and soar,
to unseen heights,
with obsessive action,
not giving a fraction,
of time
to doubt
and shout,
smiling ear-to-ear,
ridding myself of fear.
Shouting,
from the top of my lungs:
Tiger, in me, is alive,
and I, am, alive!

October 20, 2018 0

Burn

fire

[I’m burning away in fire.
I want that flame to reach higher.
Reborn, as flames fade,
world stayed the same.
So I set my world ablaze.
To burn it down.
Burn all old, or new,
to myself I need to be true,
it will remain only if it’s truth,
and,
if it can stand the heat.
The blaze is far from its peak.
But my beautiful sculpted feathers?
Smouldering doubt,
I give it my fiercest heat
to forge the truth
and though pretty,
my past illusions
worldly delusions
and false conclusions
shall all,
burn away,
and I ]*(Loop)

am burning away in fire.
I want that flame to reach higher.
Reborn, as flames fade,
world stayed the same.
So I set my world ablaze.
To burn it down.
Burn all old, or new,
to myself I need to be true,
it will remain only if it’s truth,
and,
if it can stand the heat.
The blaze is far from its peak.
But my beautiful sculpted feathers?
Smouldering doubt,
I give it my fiercest heat
to forge the truth
and though pretty,
my past illusions
worldly delusions
and false conclusions
shall all,
burn away
as fuel,
nutrition,
for my wholehearted ambition,
to nourish us all.

October 19, 2018 0

Road

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For greed or need,
following money’s lead.
But, the result is the same,
reduced to a slave,
or a docile little pet.
And, what I get?

Still, I walk on the hell’s road,
carrying its load,
and to self I vowed,
that, soon I’ll walk away,
yeah, that’s what I said.
Now, in the brink of collapse,
too tired look up and see
where I am going,
but the guideposts were showing
and devil was vowing
that better future lies straight ahead.
Just follow the horde,
that almighty lord,
they had all given their word.

Shocked, by a gilt of fear,
I’ve already given away what’s dear,
this was my ideal, in the past,
it did not last.
So tired, without any will to act,
I have already made a pact.

So, I walk on hell’s road,
carrying its load,
as a zombie, a walking corps,
following light on a devil’s torch,
a thoughtless slave
cannot be saved
if I am afraid.

Sweet familiar suffering,
and habit is buffering,
the need to learn and improve,
can I still choose
new direction and move,
higher, but downhill road is so much wider,
and unknown is filled with danger,
to my friends I might become a stranger.
As a dull minded corpse,
things are only getting worse.
When I live in the fear of death,
my soul has taken, its very last breath.